Cuffing season. Yeah, we have all seen it broadcasted through most forms of social media. The time period where all of a sudden people want to be “cuffed” to another person. Quite honestly, mostly because the holidays. There are a few who are actually seeking long-term companionship. Whatever the reason may be. The people we attract are quite the opposite of what and who we are. Think about it. No, I am not talking about “opposites attract,” where he/she likes hiking up a mountain and you like to be plopped in front of the TV. I mean, attracting your opposite. There is a difference here.
When people state that “opposites attract,” they are usually indicating that two people (or more, whatever floats your boat) are different in nature—mainly in taste. They may like something different from their partner or have a more outgoing personality than the person they are with. However, the matter of the fact is—there is a similarity in needs. Now, listen, you may be saying “well not always”…but then why are you with them? That’s where my point of attracting opposites comes into play.
Did you know that people tend to choose people that they do not need and deny those that they do need? Yeah, let me tell you…this happens A LOT. We want what we want but do not want what we need. Reread that. And reread it again, because it is the truth. Subconsciously, we are blinded by what attracts us, which is normal, but this leads to choosing the wrong person. “Oh my! He/she has a college degree and a car.” “Oh my! He/she is beautiful, I would love to be with someone like that.” “Oh my! He/she does not have any kids.” Okay, yeah you are probably saying, “Well these are my requirement for a relationship.” But, is it really? Take a look. Listen to yourself before you speak the words your mind has yet to process. Do these aspects of a person define what they are capable of giving you? Without a doubt, I am not saying you should not have standards but analyze what is going on. How about we dissect this a bit so you can get what I mean by attracting opposites:
Here’s a scenario: You have been hurt an endless amount of times and given your all to someone while they gave less to none in return. Now, you decide you are ready to “cuff” someone and you say one of the statements above:
- “Oh my! He/she has a college degree and a car.”
Of course, this is awesome. Congratulations to that person for making steps to a better future. Now, let’s take a shift. What if this person is so wrapped up in themselves that they fail to acknowledge your presence in the relationship? Is this something you need or are you blinded by what you want?
- “Oh my! He/she is beautiful, I would love to be with someone like that.”
I know, we are human and bounded by attraction. Yes, he or she is beautiful, but is that it? Let’s say this person cheats on you or entertains outsiders of your relationship. Is this something you need or are you blinded by what you want?
- “Oh my! He/she does not have kids.”
Some people have a preference and that is perfectly fine, however, would you deny an individual who can support all your needs that has kids or would you be blinded by what you want?
Take this into account. In no way, shape, or form am I saying do not have preferences. I am telling you though to reevaluate your preferences. In an effort to seeking a healthy, stable relationship, you should try to seek qualities that uphold your needs. Is this person making you a priority? Are they faithful? Does this person want a commitment? Is this person honest and true? Is this person against abuse? Does this person treat you with respect? Needs are long-term. They supply the foundation that allows you to be in a healthier state of mind. Why stress yourself out with someone who cannot support your needs and constantly makes you question your worth or relationship? It’s not worth it. Wants play the role of temptation. They appear like something you need, but in reality, it is not what you expected. Yes, being financially set is great thing. There is “not much” to worry about. Well, can you actually enjoy these wants if the person does not support your needs? Emotionally disconnected? Abusive? and so forth? Of course, I am not saying everyone who is financially stable does this. I am saying that looks can be deceiving. Truly look in-depth. Not everyone who has money is nice and not everyone who doesn’t have a lot of money is lazy. That’s why it is important to look at the deeper qualities. Peel apart that onion to find the root. You might be shocked along the way. Ultimately, the downsides to attracting opposites is a society of emotionally disconnected people. Men and women run around like their heads are cut off to “find the one.” Picking apart candidates based upon their wants, which eventually lead to being in the hands of those who do not benefit them in anyway. Unfortunately, this leads to people getting hurt and becoming hurt, disconnected individuals. Such an endless cycle of unmet expectations. Let’s stop this cycle of creating people that have given up or become “coldhearted.”
The best thing to do when seeking a person who you plan to be with is to take time. Time is essential, because it opens the mind to aspects we fail to take into account. Time also allows us to truly distinguish what we need to elevate as a person and as a partner. Indeed, wants can stray you from a path of happiness if you do not take full control. Do not be blinded by these temporary wants or societal expectations of what you should want. Ultimately, figure out what you want for yourself, dissect your wants from your needs, write it down, and take time to get to know people before accepting a resume in this “cuffing season.”
Written by Ashlee Scott, blogger