If you ever go on Facebook, the first thing you notice in the “About Me” section of anyone’s profile is the relationship status, usually indicating whether the person is single or simply in a relationship. Sounds easy, right? It doesn’t stop there, though. There are even more options to choose from like engaged, married, civil union, domestic partnership, open relationship, and the list goes on. However, there is no option for me. Yeah, people may say well that is what “single” is for, but hey don’t put me down yet, listen to what I am about to say. The word “single” is ambiguous; there are multiple interpretations for that one word. Lets look at a few options:
- You recently got out of a relationship
- You are lonely and have no one…Forever alone!
- You got issues or just crazy
- You could be focusing on yourself
- You dislike commitment
These different interpretations, and probably more, come from the notation of being “single” when you talk to different people. There is not a single meaning to it. However, being in a relationship with yourself makes it very much clear that you are focusing on yourself. You are learning you. You are learning what you like. You are learning to like and eventually love yourself, if you haven’t already. This is very important.
Without a doubt, loving yourself and knowing yourself are the biggest components in a successful relationship. If you do not value yourself, how will you value anyone else? How will you set standards for yourself and how others treat you? How will you attract the attention that you truly need and is healthy for you? A healthy relationship with yourself reflects healthy relationships with others. Think about it. You have been in bad relationships after bad relationships (like an endless cycle of BS). You probably have either came to an “understanding” that this is what the dating pool looks like or you just don’t care because you just have “bad luck.” Wait, have no fear, I am here to tell you that things can be fixed. How? Well, in order to find a solution, you have to look at the root of the problem. We teach others how to treat us. If you allow someone to repeatedly place you last on the totem poll or cheat on you, they will continue to do it. Heck, they might even become professionals at doing so. There are people who enjoy taking advantage of those they can take advantage of. BEWARE. SET STANDARDS. SET EXPECTATIONS.
Just like any relationship, be committed. Just because it is yourself, does NOT mean that you can slack off. In order for a flower to blossom, you have to make sure you water it. Water your relationship with commitment, honesty, loyalty, faithfulness, and patience. Don’t cheat on yourself with someone who undermines your value. At this point, you are the only one who can supply yourself with what you need.
Here are some ways to being the ideal partner in your relationship with yourself:
- Write down what you like (could be anything like listening to jazz or riding bikes)
- Write down what you want for yourself in terms of a partner (not just physical aspects, try something like loyalty and honesty)
- Enjoy you, embrace your solitude (check out my article, “Peace in Solitude”)
- Meditate, meditate, meditate (this allows you to be honest with yourself and your inner thoughts)
- Once you are mentally strong, face your fears. Face your past. Face what turned your life upside down. Do not ignore it.
- Embrace the you right now. Embrace your “flaws.” Embrace your hair. Embrace your skin. Embrace your appearance. Embrace your strengths. Embrace your weaknesses. Embrace every aspect of you. There is no one better than you.
- Keep yourself busy with positive things. Work for that promotion. Start school. Get a second job. Travel. Meet new friends. Start a new hobby. Do whatever adds to your resume of you. Fill it with positivity which will essentially improve you as a person.
- Be patient. Hardest thing in the world but the most important thing in a relationship. Be patient with yourself. Do not go through all these in a week and expect some instant happiness. It will not work like that and will only put you back in the cycle. Dissecting yourself is an intricate process. Be steady.
So now you are probably wondering, what now? When can I change my relationship status. Well honestly, you can change it whenever your little heart desires but if you want to truly change the cycle you have been stuck in, it will take some time. Set yourself as a priority for once, not just for yourself but to show possible contenders that you are always thinking of yourself. Trust me, people can smell out someone who is insecure and does not know themselves. It scares people to death (well the ones with bad intentions) to know a person thinks highly of themselves; they cannot control them. Therefore, put yourself first. Love yourself and the rest with follow along. Do not rush. You will know when it is time because you will be at peace with being in a relationship with yourself. You will not feel the need to rush or even insecure about being in “solitude.” And whatever you do, do not compare yourself to social media couples. They are like a mirage in a dry, hot desert when you are low on hydration. They appear amazing because you are yearning for it, but know, everyone has a different life. Everyone has a different path. And some, to be honest, are not as they appear. So focus on yourself and less on the distractions. You will get there!
Written by Ashlee Scott, blogger