I forgive you…oh, such a small, little phrase…with a big impact, that is. The phrase, “I forgive you,” is a phrase that many have come in contact with, whether by writing or saying it. But can you guess how many people truly FEEL that way? Yeah, not many. Forgiveness is a hard pill to swallow for most people due to the amount of hurt they have received from a person or group of people. They cannot let go of that pain and disappointment that once destroyed them–mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically, or sexually. Do you blame them though? Who actually enjoys getting hurt?
All of us at some point have gotten hurt by another person, whether it was intentional or not. We all have played the role of prey naively waiting on a web of lies and deceit. And trust me, we may have gotten over it but we have not gotten over it. Why do you think we try to avoid that from happening again? Because we remember the feeling it gave us. Run, run, run away from our hurt and anguish. But are we truly saving ourselves? Or are we becoming victims to the pain? You tell me. Do you have hostility to others as a result to the wrongdoings of another? Do you have a grudge against a particular person for something he/she did years ago? Well, let me tell you this…you are the victim. Don’t get me wrong, we all have been victims but to be a “professional victim” (someone always living in pain, anguish, disappointment, and hostility) will only make you a target to future pain… so I am here to tell you that forgiveness can cure that hold it has on you.
Forgiveness is about accepting and understanding. No, not accepting what the other person or people did. There is nothing that warrants wrongdoings even if there was “good” intentions. Wrong is wrong and good is good. Morality. When I say to ACCEPT, I mean to accept what had happened. Did your best friend lie to you? Did your boyfriend/girlfriend cheat on you? Did your family member steal from you? Did the “love” of your life hit you? Did that one coworker set you up? This can go on for days. The matter of the fact is…FACE reality. Accept it. You cannot change what happened at 12:01 pm if it is 12:05 pm. That is how life works. Accept it….now it is time to understand it. Understand that every action has a reaction. Yeah, get your Isaac Newton on! Realize that whatever took place lead to that very moment. And don’t try to alter anything to accommodate your assumptions. “Well maybe I should have did this…well I should’ve done that.” NO! Look at the F-A-C-T-S. Once you understand the facts, now it is time to move on. Be a better you, walk away from negative things and fix things that you legitimately have faith in.
BEWARE. Do not sulk around becoming a hateful, negative person to others or the perpetrator. You know why? Because they win. The pain they caused you will forever live in you if you allow it. That gives them that control and hold over your life. In the back of your mind, your thoughts churn around past events that had an affect on you. You may start making decisions based upon the disappointment you have faced. Also, you may resort to isolation to avoid that anguish. Do you realize what is happening? You are a puppet and your perpetrator is the puppet master. Although not physically there, they are controlling your mind and your decision-making abilities. How fair is that? You hurt me and now you get to control how I approach life? I think not. And that is the mindset you should have. Forgiveness is like medicine to a bad cold. Once you get a dose of it, your agony begins to wash away.
Trust me, it is hard to forgive sometimes especially if it is a major cut. Despite the severity, forgiveness is the only solution to adopting a healthy, positive life. Without it, you will forever live in the shadows of the moments when you were weak. Don’t be a victim. Be victorious!
Written by Ashlee Scott, blogger