Breakups, breakups, breakups…the most confusing period of time. Not only is it hard to be without someone you were with for a certain period of time, but now it is even harder to have to see them move on without you. It can leave you with agony and pain that you never thought you could feel. Like your heart is broken into a million pieces…or you become so angry you cannot even see straight. Yes, breakups are no fun (especially when you were the one who got dumped). However, these steps will help you see the light at the end of the tunnel by allowing you to have the ability to move on.
7 Steps to Letting Go:
- FeelSimple, huh? Well, most people do not really “feel” after a breakup. Many people try to mask the way they feel to portray to others, and even their ex, that they are “okay” when they are not. Also, people avoid their true feelings because other people tell them it is not right: “Why are you crying? Move on already.” Yeah, it is sad to say, but many people get this reaction when they act accordingly to a breakup. There is nothing, I mean NOTHING, wrong with feeling emotions after a breakup. Cry. Be mad. Be sad. Be hurt. Feel. You are human and do not let anyone rob you of that grieving period. It best to release it than to bottle it up and release it in a negative way. The only thing I would suggest, though, is to make sure you are not obsessing over these emotions where you find yourself in a depressive state. Grieve, lift up your face, wipe those tears, and move on to a better you.
- ReflectNow that you have gotten out your pain, it is time to reflect. Yes, reflect. I know you are probably thinking, “Why am I going to relive what happened?” Well, you have to know the FACTS. When I say the FACTS, I mean the good, bad, and the ugly. In a relationship, it is so easy to turn a blind eye to things and believe you were living in a world with cupcakes, cotton candy, and unicorns…but that was not the truth. There may have been wonderful times, but there was something to have lead to the breakup (speaking on the nasty breakups). Don’t get me wrong, remember the good times because that is what made you happy…but do not forget what caused the breakup. As I would say, open your 3rd eye. Open that eye of wisdom and clarity because indeed, it will give you clarity. Was he/she attentive and caring towards you in the beginning and slowly he/she became distant? Did he/she show interest in you then switched their feelings almost randomly? Think. Write it down. Write the good and the bad things about the relationship. Then look. Look at whether it outweighs the good (not just in amount but the severity of it). Yes, the person may have bought you all these things and took you places but did not value your worth in the relationship. That outweighs the good. You should never question yourself or your worth with someone you care about. Again, open your 3rd eye.
- Be real with yourselfOkay, so now you know the FACTS. What else? Well, lets get real with yourself. In this step, it is all about your role in the relationship. Without a doubt, no relationship is perfect and we all play our part somehow, but this relationship ended now and that is the reality. What now? Well to understand, of course! If the relationship ended mutually on good terms, understand better. You have to understand that all things come to an end but that does not mean it is an end for you. Like my mom always told me, “There’s always someone for somebody.” I truly believe this. There is someone out there for you that will match exactly what you are looking for even if right now you are a bit skeptical. It will happen. Same for someone who got out of a bad relationship. You have to understand that you are worth more then right now and later on. You are you and you are worth happiness. The only person who has control of your happiness is you and in order for that to happen, you have to set the tone for how others treat you. One day there will be a person who will make you forget all the pain you had to go through..but just be you. Do not turn into the person who hurt you.
- Reinvent yourselfAfter all the painful emotions, it is now time to rest. No, not rest and take a nap. You need to rest your mind of the things you can no longer change and fix the things you can change. Change yourself…for the better. Change your look. Change your perspective. Change your job. Change your car. Change your lifestyle. Change your surroundings. Change your hobbies. Reinvent yourself. Don’t change for anyone but you. Also, DO NOT change to attract the attention of your ex or the girl/guy your ex may be into. Moreover, DO NOT change because someone else said you have to do it. Do it for you. It will make you feel so much better to regain control of your life as well as give you something new to look forward to. After all, it is your life. Customize it as you should. This new found sense of self will allow you to look forward to the future with no looking back!
- Reflect againBack to reflection time. I believe reflecting can truly bring your life into perspective. This ties along with steps #3 and #4. At this point, it is time to come face-to-face with the reason you chose to stay with someone who hurt you or why you chose the person you did. There’s a reason behind everything, but at this point, you are so much stronger and can handle the ugly truth. Why did I choose that person? Did I rush into that relationship? But why? Why did I stay with him/her if they did not appreciate me? Think to yourself. This will allow you to face your embedded insecurities to help allow you to make better partner selections in the future. For example, I chose a guy who was emotionally unavailable with a lot of baggage. Why? Possibly because I had carried a lot of baggage myself and believed I could “save” this person…but I couldn’t help this person for two reasons: 1. I had to “save” myself before I could save anyone and 2. This person cannot receive help if they do not want it. As a result, I placed myself in a situation where I got hurt. Ever hear, “Hurt people hurt people.” That is a true statement. Be aware that we choose our partners sometimes based on our own needs and insecurities. Therefore, you need to build yourself up to realize your own worth.
- Find YOU timeNow that you have gotten everything out the way, it is time to have fun! Do things that you enjoy. Travel. Hang out with friends. Watch your favorite shows. Go to the movies. Do whatever makes you happy at no cost of criticism. It is your life. Life is too short to not find your happiness.
- Be patientWhile you are out having your fun, remember to be patient. The right one will come along. I believe that when you are born, there is a person already picked out for you. It is all about going through the journey to find them. And believe me, it will be a journey…but worthwhile. Everything happens for a reason and one day you will truly understand it all. Be patient. Don’t rush into another relationship to ease the pain or forget the pain you have felt, otherwise, you will repeat the cycle. You are in charge. You choose your partner. You choose your happiness.
With an open mind, follow these steps and you will find that your life can change in a new direction. Positive thoughts and a positive mindset can go a long way. Remember that everything takes time (even a breakup). Do it on your time…after all, it is your life. Your life. Your happiness. Your worth.
Written by Ashlee Scott, blogger